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Undermining Is Toxic

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The Signs

They put you on the defensive

Underminers typically don’t stick to just one victim(someone was had in the past)

  A gossip-monger

They try to distract you

They leave you out

 Sabotaging your reputation by spreading nasty rumors

Presenting himself or herself as your superior

Slightly rude comments, backhanded compliments, and hostile, mocking body language

You haven’t done anything wrong — at least, you don’t think you have — but everyone seems to be treating you strangely, from your fellow coworkers to your boss. Can’t figure out what’s up?It’s possible that your undermining colleague has already gotten to them.

Unlike overt bullying or harassment, undermining can be harder to pinpoint and detect.The underminer doesn’t use blatantly hostile language or actions to take you down. He or she quietly works to bring you down, which is why it’s important to be extra careful around them.

Always trust your gut and proceed with caution

 

The Stalkers Profile

 

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Stalkers often suffer from low self-esteem, and feel they must have a relationship with the victim in order to have any self worth.

Preoccupations with other people almost always involve someone with weak social skills and low self-esteem.

Few stalkers can see how their actions are hurting others.

They display other sociopathic thinking in that they cannot learn from experience, and they don’t believe society’s rules apply to them. Most stalkers don’t think they’re really threatening, intimidating, or even stalking someone else. They think they’re simply trying to show the victims that they’re the right one for them.  To the victims of stalking it is like a prolonged rape.

Sociopathic thinking

Has a mean streak

No or few personal relationships

Lack of embarrassment or discomfort at actions

In “A Study of Stalkers” Mullen et al.. (2000)[16] identified five types of stalkers:
Rejected stalkers pursue their victims in order to reverse, correct, or avenge a rejection (e.g. divorce, separation, termination).
Resentful stalkers pursue a vendetta because of a sense of grievance against the victims – motivated mainly by the desire to frighten and distress the victim.
Intimacy seekers seek to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. Such stalkers often believe that the victim is a long-sought-after soul mate, and they were ‘meant’ to be together.
Incompetent suitors, despite poor social or courting skills, have a fixation, or in some cases, a sense of entitlement to an intimate relationship with those who have attracted their amorous interest. Their victims are most often already in a dating relationship with someone else.
Predatory stalkers spy on the victim in order to prepare and plan an attack – often sexual – on the victim.

 

British Libraries Offering Full Bibliotherapy Service

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British libraries offer full bibliotherapy services, including recommendations and exhaustive reading lists based on condition, to anyone, at every library in the U.K., at no cost.This year, London-based charity The Reading Agency and the Society of Chief Librarians expanded bibliotherapy service to form Reading Well for Young People, an extension of its regular adult program to help teens and children find their way through problems like mental illness, bullying, exam pressure and eating disorders.

Nearly half a million people have used the service since its inception in January 2015, the Reading Agency reports — 90 percent of people who borrowed “prescribed” books based on their conditions said they helped and 85 percent said the books helped their symptoms feel manageable. Experts say books featuring characters or people that share a patient’s struggles can be an incredibly important piece of a larger treatment plan designed to give patients something a pill can’t always offer: Hope

Bibliotherapy likely first came to the U.S. from Britain after World War I. Jane Austen novels helped calm soldiers afflicted with PTSD (then called “shellshock”). Then, as now, the main premise of bibliotherapy is pretty simple: Personal transformation through reading. People potentially stand to learn and be emotionally affected as much by a fictional person or situation.

Librarian and bibliotherapist Sadie Peterson Delaney, prescribed books to recovering African-American veterans at the U.S. Veterans Administration Hospital in 1920s Tuskegee, Alabama. She started small, using fairy tales to help bed-ridden, traumatized veterans make sense of their own emotional struggles and then began a public appeal for book donations for and about black Americans to help her patients, as she put it, “fit themselves for life.”

W.E.B. Du Bois’ “Dark Princess gave her patients purpose and hope to take with them when they were released back into segregated America.

“Books about the Negro cannot be written fast enough to satisfy the insatiate desire of these veterans,” wrote Delaney, who saw such books as “aiding him in his upward struggle to lay aside prejudice, all sense of defeat, and to take in that which is helpful and inspiring by the means of books.”

Nursing a broken heart? The Medicine is Charlotte Bronte’s “Jane Eyre”. Patients are given a lengthy questionnaire and talk sessions (often via Skype) before being presented with a reading list of six books tailored to their individual needs. This is crucial to avoid making matters worse. 

Standford Says Multitasking May Damage Your Brain

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People who are regularly bombarded with several streams of electronic information do not pay attention, control their memory or switch from one job to another as well as those who prefer to complete one task at a time, a group of Stanford researchers has found.

In each of their tests, subjects were split into two groups: those who regularly do a lot of media multitasking and those who don’t.

In one experiment, the groups were shown sets of two red rectangles alone or surrounded by two, four or six blue rectangles. Each configuration was flashed twice, and the participants had to determine whether the two red rectangles in the second frame were in a different position than in the first frame.

They were told to ignore the blue rectangles, and the low multitaskers had no problem doing that. But the high multitaskers were constantly distracted by the irrelevant blue images. Their performance was horrible.

Because the high multitaskers showed they couldn’t ignore things, the researchers figured they were better at storing and organizing information. Maybe they had better memories.

The second test proved that theory wrong. After being shown sequences of alphabetical letters, the high multitaskers did a lousy job at remembering when a letter was making a repeat appearance.

The low multitaskers did great  while the high multitaskers were doing worse and worse the further they went along because they kept seeing more letters and had difficulty keeping them sorted in their brains.

Still puzzled

Puzzled but not yet stumped on why the heavy multitaskers weren’t performing well, the researchers conducted a third test. If the heavy multitaskers couldn’t filter out irrelevant information or organize their memories, perhaps they excelled at switching from one thing to another faster and better than anyone else.

Wrong again, the study found.

The test subjects were shown images of letters and numbers at the same time and instructed what to focus on. When they were told to pay attention to numbers, they had to determine if the digits were even or odd. When told to concentrate on letters, they had to say whether they were vowels or consonants.

Again, the heavy multitaskers underperformed the light multitaskers.

They couldn’t stop from thinking about the task they weren’t doing. The high multitaskers are always drawing from all the information in front of them. They can’t keep things separate in their minds.

The researchers are still studying whether chronic media multitaskers are born with an inability to concentrate or are damaging their cognitive control by willingly taking in so much at once. But they’re convinced the minds of multitaskers are not working as well as they could.

“When they’re in situations where there are multiple sources of information coming from the external world or emerging out of memory, they’re not able to filter out what’s not relevant to their current goal,” said Wagner, an associate professor of psychology. “That failure to filter means they’re slowed down by that irrelevant information.”

So maybe it’s time to stop e-mailing if you’re following the game on TV, and rethink singing along with the radio if you’re reading the latest news online. By doing less, you might accomplish more.

Bragging & Boasting

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Self-esteem

People who brag do tend to seem like they are in love with themselves, and in some cases, this might actually be true. Just as likely, however, is a person with low self-esteem who doesn’t feel great about a lot of things he or she has failed to accomplish. In the same way that telling a lie repeatedly might make a person start to believe it, bragging can be a way to overcompensate for a person’s perceived failures, drawing attention instead to the things that person considers worth bragging about.

To put it simply, people may brag because of the way they were brought up or to prove their value to others or simply to attract attention. Either way, it feels good to the person who is bragging, regardless of how true their claims are. This behavior still falls outside of social norms in most cases, however, and you may be better off impressing others with your modesty and kindness, rather than boasting about your life

Attention

Bragging may encourage a positive or negative response, based on the relationship you have with the person you are bragging to. Either way, however, it encourages a response, and some people are simply in it for the attention. In the same way that “look at the picture I colored” might get a group of adults to look at you as a child, those who brag about their money or their home as an adult might be seeking the same type of head-turning and acknowledgement.

The Psychology Of Colors

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Cultural Color Meanings of Red:

Western:

  • energy, excitement, action
  • danger
  • love, passion
  • a warning to stop
  • anger
  • Christmas combined with green
  • Valentine’s Day
  • Eastern:

    • prosperity
    • good fortune
    • worn by brides
    • symbol of joy when combined with white

    China:

    • the color of good luck and celebration
    • vitality, happiness, long life
    • used as a wedding color
    • used in many ceremonies from funerals to weddings
    • used for festive occasions
    • traditionally worn on Chinese New Year to bring luck and prosperity

    India:

    • color of purity, fertility, love, beauty
    • wealth, opulence and power
    • used in wedding ceremonies
    • a sign of a married woman
    • also color of fear and fire

    Thailand:

    • color for Sunday

    Japan:

    • life
    • anger and danger

    Cherokees:

    • success, triumph

    South Africa:

    • color of mourning

    Nigeria:

    • usually reserved for ceremonies
    • worn by chiefs

    Russia:

    • associated with the Bolsheviks and Communism,
    • means beautiful in Russian language
    • often used in marriage ceremonies

    Australian Aborigines:

    • represents the land and earth
    • ceremonial color

    Hebrew:

    • sacrifice, sin

    Christian:

    • sacrifice, passion, love
    • Cultural Color Meanings of Pink

      Western:

      • caring and nurturing
      • love and romance
      • feminine

      Eastern:

      • feminine

      Europe:

      • feminine color
      • baby girls

      Belgium:

      • pink is used for baby boys

      Japan:

      • well-liked by both males and females

      Thailand:

      • color for Tuesday

      Korea:

      • trust
      • Cultural Color Meanings of Orange

        Western:

        • affordable or inexpensive items
        • Halloween, combined with black

        Eastern:

        • happiness
        • spirituality

        Thailand:

        • color for Thursday

        Ireland:

        • religious color for Protestants
        • appears on the Irish flag along with white for peace and green for Catholics

        Netherlands:

        • color of the Dutch Royal Family

        Hinduism:

        • Saffron, a soft orange color, is considered an auspicious and sacred color

        Cultural Color Meanings of Yellow

        Western:

        • happiness, joy
        • hope
        • cowardice
        • caution, warning of hazards and hazardous substances

        Eastern:

        • sacred
        • imperial

        China:

        • sacred
        • imperial, royalty
        • honor
        • masculine color

        India:

        • sacred and auspicious
        • the Symbol of a Merchant

        Thailand:

        • considered auspicious as the bright yellow flower “cassia fistula” is a national symbol.
        • represents Buddhism.
        • yellow is considered the royal color, the color of Monday which is the King’s birthday

        Egypt:

        • color of mourning

        Burma:

        • color of mourning

        Israel:

        • used to label Jews in the Middle Ages

        Middle East:

        • happiness
        • prosperity

        Japan:

        • courage
        • beauty and refinement
        • aristocracy
        • cheerfulness

        Europe:

        • happiness, joy
        • cowardice, weakness
        • hazard warning

        France:

        • jealousy

        Greece:

        • sadness

        Africa:

        • Usually reserved for those of high rank

        Buddhism:

        • wisdom

        Jewish:

        • yellow star badges of the Middle Ages and post war Germany and Poland

        Cultural Color Meanings of Green

        Western:

        • lucky color in most western cultures
        • spring, new birth, regeneration
        • nature and environmental awareness
        • color for ‘go’ at traffic lights
        • Saint Patrick’s Day
        • Christmas combined with red
        • jealousy
        • greed

        Eastern:

        • new life, regeneration and hope
        • fertility

        China:

        • new life, regeneration and hope
        • fertility
        • disgrace – giving a Chinese man a green hat indicates his wife is cheating on him
        • exorcism
        • studies show it is generally not good for packaging

        India:

        • the color of Islam,
        • hope,
        • new beginnings
        • harvest
        • virtue

        Thailand:

        • color for Wednesday

        Japan:

        • eternal life
        • youthfulness
        • freshness

        Indonesia:

        • a forbidden color

        Ireland:

        • religious color for Irish Catholics
        • color symbol of Ireland – the Emerald Isle

        France:

        • not good for packaging

        North Africa:

        • corruption and the drug culture

        Egypt:

        • hope
        • spring

        Middle East:

        • color of Islam
        • strength
        • fertility
        • luck

        Saudi Arabia:

        • wealth and prestige

        South America:

        • death

        USA:

        • money
        • jealousy

        Cultural Color Meanings of Blue

        Generally the safest color to use world wide

        Western:

        • trust and authority
        • conservative,
        • corporate
        • peace and calm
        • depression,
        • sadness
        • “something blue” bridal tradition
        • masculine color
        • baby boys

        Eastern:

        • immortality

        China:

        • immortality
        • associated with pornography and ‘blue films’
        • feminine color

        India:

        • Lord Krishna
        • national sports color

        Japan:

        • everyday life

        Korea:

        • color of mourning

        Thailand:

        • color for Friday

        Belgium:

        • color for baby girls

        Cherokees:

        • defeat, trouble

        Mexico:

        • mourning
        • trust
        • serenity

        Iran:

        • color of mourning
        • heaven and spirituality
        • immortality

        Israel:

        • Coat of Arms

        Egypt:

        • virtue
        • protection – to ward off evil

        Middle East:

        • protection

        Colombia:

        • associated with soap

        US Politics:

        • liberalism

        UK & European Politics:

        • conservatism

        Religious Beliefs in Many Cultures:

        • Christianity: Christ’s color
        • Judaism: holiness
        • Hinduism: the color of Krishna
        • Catholicism: color of Mary’s robe

        Cultural Color Meanings of Purple

        Western:

        • Royalty
        • spirituality
        • wealth and fame
        • high ranking positions of authority
        • Military Honor (Purple Heart)

        Eastern:

        • wealth

        India:

        • sorrow
        • comforting

        Japan:

        • privilege
        • wealth

        Thailand:

        • color of mourning for widows
        • color for Saturday

        Brazil:

        • death and mourning

        European:

        • Royalty

        Catholicism:

        • mourning
        • death, crucifixion

        Cultural Color Meanings of White

        Western:

        • brides and weddings
        • angels
        • hospitals, doctors
        • peace – the white dove
        • purity and cleanliness

        Eastern:

        • death, mourning and funerals
        • sadness

        China:

        • death and mourning
        • virginity and purity
        • humility
        • age
        • misfortune

        India:

        • unhappiness
        • symbol of sorrow in death of family member
        • traditionally the only color a widow is allowed to wear
        • funerals
        • peace and purity

        Japan:

        • White carnation symbolizes death

        Thailand:

        • white elephants are considered auspicious,
        • white symbolizes purity in Buddhism

        Korea:

        • purity, innocence,
        • morality,
        • birth and death

        Middle East:

        • purity
        • mourning

        Cultural Color Meanings of Black

        Western:

        • power, control, intimidation
        • funerals, death, mourning
        • rebellion

        Eastern:

        • wealth, health and prosperity

        China:

        • color for young boys

        India:

        • evil, negativity, darkness
        • lack of appeal
        • anger and apathy
        • used to ward off evil

        Japan:

        • color of mystery and the night
        • may be associated with feminine energy – either evil and a threat or provocative and alluring

        Thailand:

        • unhappiness,
        • bad luck, evil

        Judaism:

        • unhappiness,
        • bad luck, evil

        Middle East:

        • evil
        • mystery

        Africa:

        • Age and wisdom

        Australian Aborigines:

        • ceremonial color
        • commonly used in their artworks

        Cultural Color Meanings of Brown

        Western:

        • down-to-earth, practical
        • comfortable
        • stable, dependable,
        • wholesome

        China:

        • In Chinese Horoscopes brown is the color for earth

        India:

        • Color of mourning

        Nicaragua:

        • Sign of disapproval

        Cultural Color Meanings of Magenta

        Western:

        • Creative, innovative and artistic
        • Imaginative and outrageous
        • Loving, compassionate and kind
        • Encourages emotional balance
        • Spiritual yet practical
        • Non-conformist

        Spain:

        • Official color of the Union Progress and Democracy political party

        Netherlands:

        • Used by the Amsterdam based Magenta Foundation in support of anti-racism

         

Othello Boss Syndrome

The Othello Boss syndrome Othello, som in love with Desdemona that subsequently leads him to a  passion of jealousy that motivates all of his actions.  In a corporation you can come across managers and business people  whose quest for professional success  that can generate a jealousy that consciously or unconsciously affects their decisions. Jealousy is the ‘suspicion that an affection or item of personal value that one has or aims to possess may be achieved by somebody else’. The phenomenon occurs in certain circumstances: one case is that of managers with an immature or somewhat unbalanced personality who are lacking in self-esteem and confidence. Insecurity can translate into fear.

Examples:

  1. Heavily criticizing the performance of subordinates with a view to belittling their work. ie; engaging in arguments and making unkind gestures that are incomprehensible to others.
  2. Eliminating the presence of subordinates, who are viewed as internal competitors,
  3. The Othello syndrome  can spread : a boss names a subordinate for a job and when that person triumphs, the boss fears for his or her own success and prestige. Another employee then goes on to ‘open the boss’s eyes’ regarding the apparently valuable subordinate. If the boss fails to exercise caution, he or she can be swayed by the insinuations. Once the jealousy process begins, it takes a great deal of strength to retract.
  4. Great people make listening a priority; petty people tend to monopolise the conversation.(Pin & Stein)
    • The most important thing in communication is hearing what has not been said.
    • Remember that it is not what you say, but what the other person hears.
    • Leadership has less to do with position and more to do with disposition.
    • People are more likely to change as a result of observation than of argumentation.
    • When we really understand the point of view of others and what they are trying to do, we see that nine out of ten times they are right.
    • The secret to getting something we want is to disregard it. Quite often, we cannot find something when we look for it and then unexpectedly come across it later on.
    • To become an exceptional person, you must begin by considering yourself unexceptional

Credits to :José Ramón Pin and Guido Stein

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